I gotta thank Lupe Fiasco for this video and I say that because immediatly after watching it and digesting the lyrics to his track “Bitch Bad” I edited the word/phrase “bad-b*tch” / “bad bish” out of my personal lexicon.
I’ve read a lot of the discourse about whether Lupe, in appearing to dictate through this song and video that to be a lady is better than to be a b*tch, isn’t himself part of the so-called patriachial problem where men dictate and define women by their own standards and where the “definitions and parameters” they place upon women are fuelled and ostensibly influenced by “chauvinistic and opportunistic flavour”.
Personally I’m choosing not to overcomplicate matters, for me I watched the video and came to the conclusion that I don’t want to be a woman who defines her self or other women as a bad-b*tch/b*tches especially when the term suggests an assumption of certain values that in fact I don’t value at all.
Stay bougie xx
I received the message below by BBM (aka Struggle-berry messenger) the other day and it really made me smile. Not just because it wasn’t written in broadcast purple (those who know, know!) and not just because of the sentiment it expressed but also because it articulated what it is about my ‘best’ friends.
***side note*** My true friends will know the accent I used when I thought/wrote “what it is” lol!!
I remember being in primary school where it was all about your one and only best friend to now being a grown up *pause* and having a wonderful and disparate collection of true best friends none of whom I would trade for anything, all of whom add real value to my life.
Because of my friends I can honestly say I am a better person *blinks* No for real I am…lol! I learn a lot from my friends, (patience, tolerance, how to dougie *dougies to prove it*, when to just stop!!) I learn from their experiences, from their reflections on mine, I learn from our combined understanding and even from what they may define as their mistakes.
My real friends keep me grounded, and with them in my life I’m never at a loss for good company, good jokes (though most of those are mine) good advice (whether asked for or not) and good wine 🙂
So here’s to best friends everywhere *raises imaginary glass*
TO ALL THE LADIES IN MY CIRCLE…
When I was little, I used to believe in the concept of one best friend or BFF then I started to become a woman and I found out that if you allow your heart to open up God shows you the best in many friends;
One friend will meet your spiritual need,
Another your shoe craze,
Another your love for movies,
Another will be with you in your season of confusion,
Another will be your clarifier,
Another the wind beneath your wings.
But whatever their assignment in your life, or whatever the occasion on whatever the day, or wherever you need them to meet you with their hair pulled back, or to hold you back from making a complete fool of yourself… The one’s that are there for you, there with you, those are your all best friends.
It may all be wrapped up in one woman for some, but for many it’s wrapped up in several. One from primary school, one from secondary, perhaps several from your college years, a couple from old jobs. On some days it will be your mother, on some days your neighbour, on others your sister/s and on some days, your daughter/s.
Whether they’ve been a friend for 20 minutes or for more than 20 years God has placed them in your life.
Thank you for being in MY circle of best friends xxx
***P.s.*** For more information on how to make it into Bougie chick’s circle of friends simply follow the blog! 😉
The following is a true story…
One day I was using my phone, a Blackberry 9900 – Bold was her name. She was good at what she did, I liked her. I went to sleep that day and woke up the next. As was usual when I awoke I reached for my Bold, I wanted to find out how her night had been, what news she had for me, whether she was thirsty and needed some juice? When I found her she was off.This was unusual to me; since the very first day I got her and had switched her on I’d never again seen her off…lifeless. There was no red light and not even the neglectful signs of the green (I’m running really low) light. Without a moment’s hesitation I placed her on the charger and I’m sure I let out an only just audible sigh when the red light appeared…my day could now commence.
I showered, moisturised and ate but after that the urge was too much I needed to find out what was good in my [Bougie Chick] world, there were shops sites and blogs to trawl on the way in to work but for now had anyone pinged or called me during the night, who was up for cocktails after work, did I mention it was a Friday, that at least had to be announce on my BBM status?
I reached for Bold and pressed a button, any button, I can’t remember which, it’s not important, I knew what was supposed to happen, screen lights, action!
I would be lying if I said my heart rate didn’t increase ever so slightly at that point…to say it did would also be a lie, in truth my heart was by now pounding loudly in my chest. WTFIGO???
For all you non “strugglephone” users (**I can’t even remember who on Twitter coined the term “Strugglephone” but as soon as I read it, its absolute aptness struck me**) you may be wondering why the dramatic response to this seemingly trivial occurrence but you see that thought right there is what sets you apart from us, us being the Strugglephone users, #TeamBlackBerry, the remaining staunch (stupid??) supporters of RIM and the constant struggle that is the lifespan of the modern day Blackberry. Any surviving member of #TeamBlackBerry will tell you that the first signs of trouble with any BlackBerry and the death of said BlackBerry are very often one and the same occurrence. Any change in your BlackBerry’s behavioural habits in my (now solidified) experience usually means one thing: the end is near.
She had been flickering and freezing up lately, why had I not… I almost immediately tried to recollect the last time I had backed her up. (1)
I pressed the power button, heart racing, palms sweaty (I wish I was exaggerating), the blank screen persisted.
Dark blank screen. Cold, dark, blank screen…
She was gone. I knew that in that very moment of blank screened persistence. I
nearly cried a little before I went to a drawer to fish out the spare Nokia that I kept for emergencies such as this. When I opened the drawer I saw the ever obedient Nokia, poised, waiting for her chance to one again show me that although she was no longer the phone de jour she was reliable, she did what her makers said she would.
I could tell you here how if I had looked a bit deeper into that drawer there also lay another Berry, this one a Curve; the story of her gentle demise is a story for another day, another post *dabs eyes* maybe.
As for my Bold, my little Black-baby-Berry as she had been fondly known, my worst fears were later confirmed, for her the struggle was over. (For me days of real struggle, not least of the social kind, then ensued with the Nokia).
Baby-Berry went off to that phone heaven in the sky…and then one day, eventually, after an exhausting few days trying to remember how to do more than call on the damn Nokia my service provider sent me a new Baby. Same model, same features, same feel…and since an unfortunate incident involving a splash of vodka at the weekend, SAME PROBLEMS!!!
*Drops to knees and wails* Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!
How’s a chick like me supposed to survive this phone struggle-age?
*Walks away humming ‘We Shall Overcome’*
(1) **note to anyone that cares: I soon recalled I had never actually backed her up…several irreplaceable contacts were lost forever**
What’s your #strugglephone story?
You know that chick, the one that looks on point literally everytime you see them, the one that seems to switch up her style so casually and always looks great…effortlessly, that one that makes you want to pull out the peruvian tracks and get some box braids [even though you know they’ll take 10 hours to put and you’ll be bored of them in 10 minutes]? Well for me Solange Knowles is that chick.
I don’t know if Solange has or uses a stylist officially or even unofficially but all I know is that whenever I see her in pictures she’s #winning in the style stakes. Afro or short cut hair, red carpet or dressed down, Solange’s looks all say minimal fuss but shout maximum confidence.
Her hair, her clothes, the accessories, the colours, her make-up, she rocks it all so insouciantly. That she manages to hold her own in the individuality stakes is another reason to give her props and see her as more than just “Bey’s little sister”.
Stylish Solange I say YES to all of this!!